How big is the gap between your present reality and your Dreams?
I meet so many people that share their lofty and extraordinary dreams with me. Dreams are pretty damn inspiring.Yet it breaks my heart to see so few people that have actually made these dreams their new reality. Like most people I struggled endlessly and even today I can fall into ruts, but whenever I do I just go back to the basics. So let’s jam about some of the common missing links so that you can close the gap and never have to say that your dreams don’t come true.
1. Dreams don’t come true because you’re in the wrong tribe
Last week I joined another coaching program. So I presently have 2 coaches, one is a business coach and the other is my triathlon coach. Every year I set new goals for myself in every area of my life. If I feel I need some support I find a new gang that knows how to accomplish what I am seeking. This may come in the form of friends, peeps you spend time with, or hiring a professional. I commit to all three.
I learned many years ago that nobody needs a coach, yet everybody needs a coach. Got it! Michael Jordan, Wayne Gretzky, David Beckham and Oprah Winfrey are all pretty damn good at their chosen fields. They all hung out with a tribe that creates a culture for dream-hood. There’s no doubt that you can accomplish anything even with the wrong tribe. But with the right one you will do it faster, more efficiently and have a blast doing it.
2. Dreams don’t come true because you don’t begin with the end in mind
Imagine if I took apart an entire car engine and threw all the pieces into a box and said, “Want to learn how to fix cars? Put this engine back together.”. Sounds pretty ridiculous right? It is! The funny thing is, is that most people try to create their life this way. As a result, you get overwhelmed, the negative chatter in your head tells you you’ll never figure this out and most of us will just give up.
Now imagine this scenario. You and I sit down with a fully assembled car engine. We poke and prod it, inspect it, we study its anatomy, components and systems. Once we figure out how every part contributes to the whole we understand the final product. Then we begin to disassemble it one nut and bolt at a time. We even put certain parts of the engine in different places so we know where it belongs and label them.
Now once were done do you think you’d have a better chance of putting this engine back together? Do you think you might learn a thing or two about fixing car engines? When you begin with the end in mind you can then work backwards. You create a plan to put the pieces of the puzzle “back” together. The same way that tightening every nut and bolt will eventually lead to a fully assembled engine; every minute, hour, day, week, month and year spent on task and on purpose will lead to the assembly of your dreams.
3. Dreams don’t come true because you haven’t set multiple big, phat, extraordinary and audacious goals
These bad boys serve as massive magnets that draw you into massive action. Over the weekend I had my first big ride of the season. The above pic was taken while I stopped to refuel my empty gas tank during this few hour adventure. And If you don’t know already my hobby is pushing my mind, body and spirit into the realm of impossible to see what is possible.
One of the ways I do this is by being an ultra-endurance athlete. Presently I’m training for another season of triathlon because last year in my first Ironman I did not achieve my big, phat, and audacious goal. Remember that success is determined by how well you pick yourself up after life has beat you down. So know that I have failed, screwed up, shit the bag… way more than I have succeeded. You’re not alone my friend! Yet I keep getting up and coming back for more.
It’s also so important to have several goals in mind. Here’s a news flash for you. If your big extraordinary dream goal is the only way that you’ll be happy, when it’s all said and done you’ve pretty much axed any chance of achieving it. That’s because while you’re in pursuit of that dream the challenges you face will go through periods where they are more convincing than the possibility of achieving your dream. When I was racing a 100 mile race it was my goal to have a podium finish. I had trained hard all year and run 3-4 marathons every week in preparation for the months leading up to the big day. I was a freakin machine.
Although my ultimate goal was a sub 22 hour race, I also had other goals. The next one was a sub 24 hour race which was still a massive accomplishment, but not a podium finish. My third goal was a sub 30 hour finish and my last goal was to just cross the finish line however long it took. So I had a dream goal and 3 other goals. I told myself that as long as I achieve one of these goals this past year of training will have been a massive success.
When I hit the 70 mile mark of the race something crazy happened to me. I became seriously ill and couldn’t absorb any calories or hydration. Long story short… No energy in = an empty gas tank = no podium finish. This got my head into a funk. I knew right away that my dream goal was no longer in reach. So I defaulted to my next lower goal. But even then the challenges I was experiencing were more convincing than even that goal. So I defaulted again to my last goal of just finishing.
My pace had slowed to a walk, my pacer tried to cheer me up but to no avail. This went on until I could finally get some food in me again. Now my goal was just to finish, one foot in front of the other. Then something magical happened! I began to bounce back, my body and mind felt strong again.
Now if I didn’t have those other goals I would have given up and dropped out of the race. But I did have them and as the race continued I ran faster and faster. I began passing multiple people. I actually ran the last 50 miles over an hour faster than the first 50. As luck would have it, I achieved my sub 22 hour, podium finish and dream goal! When you free yourself of the attachments of your ultimate goal you increase the likelihood of its occurrence.
4. Dreams don’t come true because you’re trying to change things that are beyond your control
The key issues and problems that you face in your life are within you. They are never anything that is external. There will be limiting factors that are within your control and that’s what you must face. So grab yourself a pen and your journal and write down the things that are within your control that may be in the way of you and your ultimate dream.
These can be physical things, mental or emotional things, belief systems, diet, rest, or even the people you are constantly around. By changing your focus you can change your destiny. That’s all I did in that 100 mile race.
Now take the biggest thing from this list and ask yourself that if you change this, is your ultimate dream a tangible reality? If so, Cool! Let the changes begin. If not, delve deeper until you find the most basic obstacle between you and your dream. Keep doing this until you find the ultimate block, fear or limiting element that is preventing you from fully stepping up in life.
It’s so easy for us to change that which is within our comfort zone. These things are great to change, but if you really want to move forward in life, close the gap and live your ultimate dreams you MUST face your deepest fears that are beyond your comforts.
Today I’m living my dream life and I continue to rewrite the script of it for tomorrow. Yet I had to hit rock bottom before I could wake up and begin making these changes. You see, I was lucky because if I didn’t make radical changes in my life I would be dead right now. For me that’s been my greatest gift. Changing was a matter of life or death. The decision was easy but the task was ever so daunting.
For you this is likely not the case. Because the decision for you is likely harder. Always remember that mediocrity, comfort and settling is the killer of your dreams. If you want more out of your life you MUST slay these dragons and change from within. Don’t fall into the trap of changing things that are comfortable and leaving the deeper, fundamental issues untouched. Because at the key moments of challenge it is these core physical, mental, and emotional blocks that will surface. So why not deal with them directly.
OK, I hope you’re enjoying all this goodness. But before we get ahead of ourselves I’m realizing that to fully answer why dreams don’t come true I have to essentially write another chapter for my upcoming book… : )
Rather than continuing I want you to digest and implement all this if you’re feeling up to the challenge and I will continue with part 2 of this next week. And remember that when you confidently go in the direction of your dreams you will begin to live the life that you have always imagined -Thoreau. Be persistent, patient and diligent.
To Your Mastery,
PS: Remember that Dreams do come true!